I visited my dad this weekend on the farm where I grew up. My grandmother’s house droops in shambles, full of mouse poop, a former shadow of itself on the now deserted farm. Empty and haunting, I remembered movement and the smell of constant meals wafting from her stove, served on the grey table at precisely noon and 6:00 p.m. as she stood against the counter and watched us eat. The most disheartening scene– the bird feeder she’d had installed with a flat wood table right outside her window so she could watch the colorful birds gobble the breadcrumbs she spread out two times each day. Empty, without one bread crumb, the bird feeder shown an eerie bright white. Even the wind chimes that blew consistently throughout the day beneath that same tree played music no more. I searched for them, but they were gone.
You can spot the bird feeder through the window on the left.
Taped boxes held old pictures, papers, and mainly junk from a former office. Dibs on good furniture or anything of worth or meaning went to other relatives living close by. Rumor had it one of the grandchildren threw most of my grandmother’s belongings in the dump when he moved in after she’d been placed in a nursing home, Alzheimer’s slowly stealing away each memory. My last memory of her is holding a baby doll, convinced it was real, clinging to it and stroking its hair.
My grandmother was a fabulous cook; a college home-ec student, shy of one semester to graduate. But she’d met my grandfather and he owned a farm, and what was the point really in those days? She was already 29-years-old. But her love of cooking was apparent to all who knew her, and she never gave that up. She weighed maybe 90 pounds at 5 feet 2 inches. Always cold, she donned long sleeves and long pants in 80 degree weather. I rarely saw her away from the stove, and if she wasn’t in the kitchen, she was in the yard pruning camellias.
She didn’t like me much. She made it clear she had two other golden grandchildren, and didn’t really need any others. They could do no wrong and in my presence she talked only of their accomplishments. But then, she never liked my mother and I was my mother’s daughter.
I didn’t like to cook so we didn’t understand one another, though my father claimed she would have wanted me to have her recipes. And in the end…that was what I ended up with. Wonderful recipes written in her own handwriting to cook and try myself, to keep in the family.
All the little scraps of paper are from the munching mice...
I find it ironic. The one thing she felt the most passionately about (cooking) is the one thing I will pass down in order that her memory may live on. By me. The person she cared so little for.
Still, finding the recipe books among all the junk was a thrilling treasure. Finally, something that hadn’t been thrown out. And in her own handwriting! I snatched it from the box and slowly turned the yellowing pages by the light of the window. I’d like to try some of them on here–if you don’t mind veering a bit from the crock pot….
Articles about grandma:
- Grand-ma the Great (foodservicewarehouse.com)
- To Grandma (hookedontaste.wordpress.com)
- Weekend Projects: Easy-Peasy DIY Natural Bird Feeders Roundup (apartmenttherapy.com)
- The Funeral Home (juwannadoright.wordpress.com)
- Humor: Grandpa and Grandma (maddmedic.wordpress.com)
Jennifer
Aww that’s a nice treasure to find! There is nothing like a grandma’s recipes. My mom’s mom is slowly declining from Alzheimers- the other day she asked who my mom was- she couldn’t remember anymore. It’s sad that all her memories are slipping away, but lucky she shared lots before she started to forget. And I know about the Golden Grandchild thing- only with my dad’s mom- it was me, and she didn’t really care for my sister. But I remember her stories, she since passed away, but spent a lot of her childhood on a farm where they got by on very little- and I always loved her stories, so much different back then. I always wish I could get on a time machine and get a little glimpse of what it was like! Actually with my mom’s mom, one of our favorite memories was every year around the holidays we made homemade pumpkin pie the old-fashioned way- they would cook the pumpkins and scrape them out and the kids did the squishing- our favorite thing- we all took turns. The old metal cone shaped thing with small holes and a wooden thing with a handle and also shaped to fit in the cone shape that you rolled around to squeeze out the pumpkin mash (I have no idea what it’s called lol)- I will call it a “pumpkin squisher” for short.
Beth, the golden grandchild– I loved how you described the pumpkin squisher. You are the cutest darn thing! Now that’s a pumpkin pie made from scratch. Wow!
I wish I could go back in time too. But to live there! I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother. It breaks my heart.
there must be as many grand’s stories as there are grands, but i feel for you, i was also the third and unwanted member due to mother…but after she passed..my mother inadvertently told me how often my grand-mother had told the wind how much she missed me, her favorite..she had no one to listen or to tell, so she spoke to herself..i can hear her now..
i did retrieve some of her possessions from, guess, the woods hole where the family heaves all unwanted material..out with the old and in with the disposable…
catching up with your posts well worth the read..ns
Thanks Nadine. There are mainly just recipes on this one, but it got boring so I decided to add a bit about the garden and compost, and now I’ve gone and found these books. I’m so excited about them, I feel like a child. As mean as she was, she’s still brought me joy!
My mom has a notebook like that. It’s a mix of her writings, my sister’s and mine, and a plenty of cutouts from all kinds of newspapers and magazines. It’s huge!!! I would really love to have it someday or at least start one of my own. I actually started writing one but with the Internet and small motivation I stopped after a few pages. It would be so beautiful if my grandchildren had my “cooknotebook” someday… .
I need to look more around this blog of yours. My hubby got me a slow cooker a few weeks ago and now I’m looking for good recipes. I made something once but it didn’t turne out good, today is my second attempt!
Elwa, I feel I’m cheating by doing it online. What if we had a solar flare (like Nadine says) that knocked us out. All my recipes would be lost. But our grandkids will probably look at these blogs like we do our mother’s and grandmother’s books, yeah? I’d like to hope so. But it is so much fun to hold the yellow pages splattered with food.
I try to put at the bottom if the recipe turned out or not, but sometimes it takes me so long to post them, I forget how they tasted—spicy, satly, bland, etc. But Matt’s not picky. The man eats everything. If it was crappy, I’ll say I have no intention of ever making it again. And I won’t waste my time. Just ask me if you’re unsure. But, man, that thing saves me time. I have been able to write two manuscripts and 3 blogs (for a while I balanced them all quite well) by using the crock pot. The food cooked itself and I could focus. It’s been great. Saves money too. Makes a lot of food and you can freeze some and pull it out a couple weeks later on busy days when you’re busy or busy making something else.
jennifer, do you know that you can download all of your posts and form a book..on demand–the most economical way to publish and i do know that it is rewarding, i once sold my poetry on music CDs on cafe press they do a splendid job of printing, i am in several anthologies on lulu.com
cook-books are in demand and it’s guilt free since no ink spills until you have a buyer..money follows well enough too.
that way, you’ll have a hard copy to prove to your loved ones that you weren’t just loafing between digging carrots in gardens and picking up plastic bottles on an exotic beach.
@ Nadine–they chucked it in the woods, huh? Wow. So little thought at the worth of the memories attached, you know?
@ Nadine–I’m liking this! I’ve heard of lulu before. But what if my recipes aren’t original? I know my grandma didn’t make hers up, I just don’t know where she got them from!
are there really original recipes? or just original ways of writing about ways to mix and mush…the content and its presentation, the photos and humor are all yours…no one would dare write if they feared the provenance of their words..
lulu is fantastic, so is cafe press.
they have pagination programs and you decide which book model you want at which price you care to sell and how much you will ask to cover the printing costs..i only took $2.00 above the cost, but it climbed fast enough and they sent my check whenever due..
i should get busy on my book(s) instead of reviewing others uh? but i select the writers whom i review, for merit, literary or other. a cross genre view.
word of mouth and paper/pencil recipes are as original as you get in the new continent–unless old world folks bring their oral traditions..enjoy the process and the reader delights in the content..i’ll review it if you’ll put it to print..
Nadine, that would be amazing!
What a fabulous idea. My next project!!
lulu… or blurb. I tried blurb before and I really liked it. Not that I wrote a book or anything… I was just thinking of making a family book with pictures and stories and I found out about it.
Nadine is right.
Many recipes that are in cookbooks are somebody else (not the author’s only). they’ve been adapted, a little bit changed, different presented. that’s it. it would be great if you did printed it.
Elwa, you’re so encouraging! I’m gonna do it. !!!
if annie leonard could write/draw/film “the story of stuff” surely jennifer WP can put together “the story of food” in a heavy subject turned light but not fluffy…
as for quality-reliability-and speed of response as well as high shipping standards..lulu..is you..and you’ll be surprised to see how easy it is if you know how to type and can read instructions..i just hate to follow them..my mind wants to jump to –next–….lit love little writer..
ewa, while i’m here, where is that photobook? it would be delish…you have the eye and the heart for it so let’s all put out our best for the next holiday season..details to come..i have to choose my subject as i have 3 projects IN the fire..
@Nadine – i’m such a bad in finishing projects! I have so many ideas that at some point I get very discourage and I leave it for a while. That’s what happened with that book. Most of it it’s in my head and these days I’ve been thinking about it more and more as our family is getting bigger and I would really like to focus on writing something for the future when they are all grown ups. Blog is not the same. I do not put many pictures over there and I do not share many of my thoughts. Blog is way to public for that. I surely would do it in that book, though.
What are you wrtiting about ?!
i’ll be sending a message on fcbk to you and jennifer…one of my books is about my own life in the deserts, my sons were born in france and we suffered from heat and thirst, ate lots of found foods, the roadkill cafe has nothing on us..i’ll be sure to include jackrabbit stew for you..
the very first book is a compendium of stories of france and food; one hundred years of families, places and attitudes surrounding the evolution of the french table.
another is a compilation of 3 phases of my poetry–french/ english, desert minimalistic and free flowing sensualia.
now all i need is the organization of my files..i am still rebelling against technology..and responding to the call of the wild…it’s sunny out there..so much to DO..i’m here for you if free editing is needed. ok?
I love this post. It is so poignant because I know a place, about a field away from this house, that was in very similar condition. But, it is beginning to brim with life again. So, I still have hope for your grandparents’ house.
Looking forward to the recycled recipes. 😉
Christy, I never thought about that, but it is very similar. Your dad brought that house back to life, and since there is life now residing in it, it changes the place back into what it once was. I adored your grandmother and the last time I saw her, I told her I’d always wished she were mine. Remember that? She was quite the cook too, if I remember. What happened to her recipes? Does your aunt Becky have them?
@ Nadine—you are the fire that keeps us going!!
no ,no, i’ m just the straw fire that keeps the seat of your chair too hot to sit for long..we all need each other to keep the flames down low and the ideas popping..let’s simmer together and realize our collective potential..we’ll do good things, i know…ns
I like the simmering. You guys give me such ideas!
Beautiful story, Jennifer. Your grandmother missed out in not getting to know and appreciate you better. I’m sure she’d appreciate you honoring her legacy, though. Can’t wait to hear more about those recipes!
Gosh thanks, Felicia. You make me feel better about the whole thing! 🙂
Your Grandmother had a recipe that I loved. She made it for Thanksgiving one year …long ago…when I came to visit….actually before you were born! Your Mom didn’t remember it. However , the reason I remeber… I didn’t like oysters at the time and when she made them it was wonderful. I think there was crackers in it…not sure…If you find anything in her recipe book that is like that you really should fix it….yum!
I will look for that! How fun! What a great memory out of no where. The woman could cook, I’ll give you that. Thank you for reading Aunt Pat!
Loved this post… Your tone is honest and lovely. I find these old recipes to be aesthetically stunning. What kind of recipes did you find in it? What will you try first?
I came across my own grandmother’s recipe collection several months ago and they’ve become such a writing inspiration. What I wrote upon receiving the treasures: http://theshooflyproject.blogspot.com/2011/06/gift-of-keturahs-collection.html
Incidentally, I also am able to read her diaries. She kept detailed notes of each day on the farm/retirement home for 40 years!
I hope you have fun with the recipes! Thanks for sharing!
Nadine, editing would be an amazing help! Your books sound so interesting. Have you written them already or are you still in the process of putting them together?
good to have your interest as catalyst, yes the books have suffered a series of rewrites and too many moves and reincarnations under various styles and formats..now i am organizing whatever surviving files surface on this laptop..or back-up CDs and must hurry to at least have one done by summer..one by holidays. there are some excerpts in my fcbk notes if you want a small bite of desert or poetry ones.
my french books are out of print. and am chap books too small to bother..i want a collection of all 3 subjects of poetic prose in one poetry book..a whole suitcase of handwritten tongues on foreign newsprint is a trip to behold..
reader’s views are very important..honest as you are, your would be invaluable to me..
Absolutely I’ll read! I’ll have to go peek under your fb notes too.
So great that you found her recipes. I like to think that now that’s she’s gone she has a better perspective on what really matters and is happy that you have them. Definitely post the recipes!
Barbara, that made me feel so much better about the entire situation. Thank you so much! I will be back in the kitchen SOON! 🙂
[…] Finding grandma’s recipes (gicrockpot.wordpress.com) […]
Jen, my daughter just had twins last month and I’m down in Atlanta visiting – of course I thought of your crock pot blog blog and was looking at it when I came across this post…First of all, you’re so brave and this brought tears to my eyes! It made me wish I were your grandmother!! What an opportunity she missed.
I hope I can say something that might give you some measure of comfort:
1) I’ve often heard that people are always hardest on those who remind them in some ways of themselves…perhaps there is a compliment here, however back handed.
2) This is so much a reflection on your grandmother and not yourself; you honor her with your attitude, and it says a lot about you that you have made something positive out of all of this.
3) I know of a family that had three children – the names have been changed to protect the guilty. Daughter A had a son, Kevin. Daughter B had a daughter, Jane, and the third I’ll call Son A, who had two sons.
The grandparents couldn’t say enough good about Kevin, praised him and all his accomplishments, went on and on about him at almost every family gathering. They reached out to him and called him, even showered him with gifts. Son A and his two sons were out of state, and much younger than Kevin and Jane, who were the same age, so they didn’t really fit into the picture as much. The grandchild, Jane, was pretty much ignored, and the grandparents were critical and hard on her.
Finally, when the grandchildren were all in their 20’s, things came to a head and Son A basically stepped in bought the grandparents to task about how much they favored Kevin over Jane. The grandparents were appalled to think their son thought this of them.
It turned out that Kevin was slow to develop and didn’t walk until he was almost two and talked late very late. The grandchild, Jane, was bright, independent, was walking and talking very early. Even though Kevin was alright in every way, and actually of above average intelligence, the grandparents thought their actions were completely justified because Kevin was “retarded.” They didn’t know that children just have their own “speed.”
It was obvious Jane was just fine, and because the grandparents knew how smart she was, every mistake and fault she had was viewed in a very critical manner. The grandparents thought she had every opportunity in life, while “poor” Kevin didn’t. Every time Jane made any miss step in her life (and who doesn’t?) the grandparents, who thought she was so blessed, viewed it as almost a personal affront as they contrasted her with Kevin, who they felt was so under privleged. When Kevin made mistakes, it was as if he could do no wrong.
The grandparents didn’t even realize what they were doing was being viewed as playing favorites. If son A hadn’t been brave enough to finally step up, the family never would have known what was going on.
So in summation: we never really know what motivates people or what mistaken assumptions they may be operating under!
Frugal Hausfrau,
Your comment made me feel so much better. Especially since I wrote it so long ago but it still haunts me daily. Mama says I’m not hurting anyone but myself. I thought about what you said–And to my disgust, I am a lot like my grandmother in many ways. But if I try to look past the hurtfulness she handed out so generously and try to concentrate on why she chose a recipe or the human–ness that shows through in a clipping of a hat she liked and cut out at that moment—I can try to see her as more of a human with flaws instead of how I have been seeing her.
And mama’s right too. When we hang onto hurt, we’re only harming ourselves. These people are already dead and they aren’t the ones tossing and turning at night over words spoken. And wouldn’t that be something—if she had no idea what her comments were doing? That she didn’t realize instead of didn’t care? Wouldn’t that be something.
Just remember, though, that so many people like your Grandma operate out of fear – and if you did in some way remind her of herself, its not that there is anything wrong with YOU!
It’s her take on it..like a friend of mine who’s mom got pregnant young and ruined her dreams…of all the kids, the Mom was so hard on my friend.Scarred her for life.Turned out my friend reminded the mom of herself (both were very bright and pretty) and the Mom was afraid my friend would go down the same road. In the end. It was all nothing to do with my friend and everything to do with the Mom.
I love dogs, and when I think of the mean people in my life, I often think of chihauhuas…they’re so often mean and snap and bark. I think they feel insignifcant and scared. They don’t know what they’re doing to anyone else, they just bully because to them it somehow instinctively feels right. Many mean dogs have been abused or neglected.They bite because they’re afraid, and some recover in a loving home but many never do. Others are just mean for no reason, they’re just flawed.
Final thought: People are just weird. And if we’re lucky and work hard at it we get better at life as we get older instead of just weirder!